Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
