i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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