wanna go halves on a baby?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
