Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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