Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
