Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
