my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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