He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
