I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
