Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
