your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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