Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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