if i died would you start the facebook group?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
