I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
