i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
