Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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