Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
