I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
