Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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