Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
