thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
