woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
