haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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