I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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