Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
