Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
