I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
