Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
