my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
