You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
