And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
