I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
