if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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