I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
