If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
