hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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