member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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