at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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