Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
