dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
