so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
