Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
zippers are such a cool invention
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
