clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
