North Korea, Best Korea!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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