did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
