It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
