im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
