In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
