Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
