so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
