Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
