Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
