I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I touched a dick in church today
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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