oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
